I Don’t Want To Buy Myself Flowers!
Or Write my name (alone) in the sand.
I feel sorry for young people today. It appears that the dating scene is pretty tough to navigate.
Newsflash — it always has been.
But what is different is all the advice and pop psychology out there on the internet and, especially, the social media world teaching people how to get it right.
It goes something like this:
Do I want to know if I’m an anxious, avoidant, or secure attachment? Maybe I should know how to identify those things so I can identify them in myself and future dating partners.
Should I know if I have abandoned my feminine and have been living only in my masculine because in order to survive, I’ve had to be strong and independent and not ask for help. Might that be why I’ve remained single so long?
Maybe I’m cheating myself because I’m not really in a relationship, but rather in a situationship that doesn’t require any kind of commitment.
Here’s one that I’ve never heard of: Is It a Crush or is it Limerence? Apparently, limerence is an obsessive, fictional, or imagined attachment to someone you might know superficially or who could even be a stranger. Geez, I think I do this. I thought this was unrequited love, but now there’s a new name for it. Reading the comments section from this article, I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one. There are a whole lot of people who identify with this.
Am I heeding advice about seeing those red flags that pop up and foretell future problems, but, then again, do I recognize the green flags that signal the go ahead. Still, proceed but with caution.
On the other hand, maybe I should just chuck all this relationship stuff and simply celebrate being single because like Miley sings in her Grammy Award winning song: I can love me better than you can.
WHEW!!
Totally overwhelming.
Now, I agree there is merit in all this new information. It’s important to understand, recognize, and change old patterns and behaviors that can unconsciously activate old wounding that we mistake for love and keeps us unhappy. I totally get that. I’ve been there.
But speaking as a mature woman whose been around the block a few times and learned a some things, I have to wonder if maybe everyone just needs to lighten up a little bit and Bring Romance back.
Let’s all just take a break and enjoy each other’s company and demonstrate our loving feelings with some thoughtful, simple, but heartfelt acts. For instance:
Go analog/snail mail and send a card, a hand written note, or a postcard. It’s thrilling to receive mail in this text driven culture. I read of someone who scribbled a handwritten note and then took a picture and texted it. In a pinch, that would work.
Flowers are always nice. Who doesn’t like getting flowers or even a flower? Small gifts are romantic too. A favorite bakery item, a book, a poem perhaps?
Show up and announce you want to have coffee and spend some quiet time talking and checking in. Don’t we all want to feel seen? Don’t we all want to feel special?
Holding hands is lovely. So is an unexpected hug.
Being romantic requires listening — being heard, an art in itself. Here’s a good example
Jack knew Hannah wanted to go see Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour Movie. She had mentioned this a few times, and not being a Swift fan, Jack didn’t immediately pick up on it. But he listened and realized how much it would mean if he took her to see it. He bought tickets and surprised her. They went together. Score! She was touched deeply (and he actually enjoyed it).
Sigh.
Spread a little romance in your platonic relationships as well. I recently visited a favorite shop in the town where I live and saw something that caught my eye. I immediately thought of my friend Elizabeth and bought it. I’ll surprise her with it at a later date.
Valentine’s Day and Galentine’s Day is upon us. That’s probably what got me stirred up.
I think the best advice would be to put away the phones, detach from social media for a while, go analog, have fun, and pay tribute to the art of Romance.
Make it a thing again.
Please.